Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize