She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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