what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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