i think i have two assholes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
