So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
