I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
