I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pants are for mortals
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
