We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
