can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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