I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
