my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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