he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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