He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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