I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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