Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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