I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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