11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
