i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
