I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
