I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
