used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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