can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
