your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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