yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
