i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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