I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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