everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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