Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
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I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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