it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
