Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital