Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.