i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.