I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE