So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?