I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
