Can i not drive my cunt home
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
