The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize