You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
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looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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