So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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