Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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