her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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