God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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