morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i will never coherently bang her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
