Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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