We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So squirting runs in the family.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
