Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
