I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
