I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize