I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
