i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
God, I missed his penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
