Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
