you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
they're like a gay fantastic four
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
