Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
