Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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