Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
