He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
