you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
its liver damage thursday
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
