You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
