I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
