i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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