Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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