Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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