i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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