All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
from now on my penis is your penis
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
