just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
