I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize