I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize