Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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