I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
