wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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