im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize