just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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