you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
