it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just cut my nipple shaving
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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