You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
