i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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